April 7, 2007 (one week old)
Truth be told, sweet little man, you've actually been one for over two months now. Either the days in this past year were not actually 24 hours long or there just weren't as many of them as there usually is, because it doesn't even seem possible that the tiny little bundle with the rock star hair is actually now 14 months old (you do still have great hair though!).
Little Benjamin Bunny, how do I begin to tell you how much you are loved and of all the joy you bring to our family? Everything about this past year with you has been wonderful (tiring! but wonderful...). After three babies in our family already, Daddy and I might have been tempted to think that we had the baby thing all figured out. Kyker babies are all the same, we thought. They weigh in at 7lbs max, they are early to love a routine, they sleep great, they love their own beds....You came to "teach us some lessons", as Daddy likes to say, and that you have!
You were our first "surprise" baby and we were completely certain that you were a girl. We had a girl name all picked out and I do believe I had even called you by that name a few times when I would talk to you while still in my belly. We were both so surprised when we heard, "It's a BOY!" at 12:23am on Sunday, April 1, and any thought of hoping for a little girl completely vanished. You were completely precious and BIG! At 8lbs, 1oz, you were our biggest by a full pound. You were so alert and aware... you had big, blue eyes right from the start and everyone, and I do mean everyone, commented on your fabulous hair. Thick and dark with blond tips! You were such a beautiful little thing. Once everything settled down and Daddy and I had you all to ourselves, we realized that we needed to name you! We had three boy names that we had somewhat settled on "just in case" and really had a hard time deciding which suited you best. We settled on Benjamin Wesley and, of course, I can't even begin to imagine you with either of the others.
Travis, Sam and Caroline came to meet you about 9 hours after you were born. They fell in love instantly and you've been at the center of their world ever since. Once when you were about a month old we were in the car and you were really upset (undoubtedly ready to eat, as usual!). For whatever reason, the three of them began to sing to you to try and cheer you up. I have to admit, my first thought was that they were just adding to the volume level, but when your crying immediately stopped as they began singing the doxology (the song that Caroline and I had sung together every night while you were growing inside me), my eyes filled with tears as I was reminded yet again what an awesome blessing it is to have a house full of children who love each other and adore their baby. I would often find them singing over your bassinet if I was taking too long to come for you and their "trick" worked every time. They have adored you from day one and love you more today than ever. You're the one everyone wants to sit next to at mealtimes, you can gather a crowd in a flash when you decide to try and take a step or two (and completely revel in the cheers!), and Travis says he looks forward to bedtime now that you're the youngest "roomie" in the boy bedroom. No matter how long you've been in bed (and we've assumed you were sleeping) and no matter how quietly Travis and Sam creep into their beds, every night for the past week since you've moved in with them they've been greeted with a huge grin and a hearty, "DADA!" from the crib. We caved against our better judgment that night and let the three of you play for a bit and the laughter coming from that room had Daddy and I cracking up in the hallway. We're so thankful that you're already starting out as friends.
Little Benjamin, there are so many things to be thankful for when it comes to you, but there are a few things that really stand out to me that I don't ever want to forget. It has taken four babies to get this through my head, but you have finally taught me to be in the moment. Seems crazy to think that with more kids in our house than ever I'd be better able to do that now than even when I just had one, but it's true. Maybe I've just seen first hand how quickly the days go by as I watch your brothers and sister get so big, or maybe I've finally learned to not wish the harder days of newborn demands away in favor of the easier days and nights that come with an older baby...whatever it is, I'm so incredibly grateful to have finally learned to embrace everything that comes along with caring for and loving and nurturing a sweet baby. My own insecurities and uncertainties as a mommy caused me to fret a lot more with my other babies, but you calmed me down and taught me to just be. And that didn't just help you, but it helped your Daddy and the rest of our little family who have all benefited from the quiet confidence that you brought to me.
Now, I can't say that I've always been grateful for the fact that you've been our first ever "wakeful" baby (I've never actually "walked the halls" in the middle of the night until you!), but another thing you've taught me to do is to look for the "silver lining" in otherwise difficult situations. I'm not one that does well on little sleep, but once I realized that our first nighttime wakeful baby came during a time when I had a friend who needed much prayer, and specifically during the night, it suddenly felt like a privilege to be awake with you praying for my friend. You've helped change my perspective in so many ways.
And now at fourteen months old, you are still an absolute delight. Your eyes are captivating, your smile melts our hearts, your ROARS and your demand to be included in every wrestling match or tickle session crack us up, your complete devotion and love for your "blankie" (and the thumb that has to go with it) makes us smile... even your temper is funny to us (for now, I know that very soon it will not be funny anymore!). We are incredibly grateful that God gave you to us to love and teach and enjoy and to learn from. You've already taught us more than we've taught you! We love you so very much, sweet boy, and will treasure every day, every second that God allows us to spend with you. Happy first birthday.
April 2008, one year old